Ev the Chef is taking a break...

Yep! You heard me. I am taking a break!!! Why? Because my girlfriend is coming into town...and we're going away on a romantic vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I must assume my manly duties and service her. :)

This is my dinner. It's a veggie pizza from Papa John's. Why veggie? Right...because nutrition isn't important.... And yes, those are chicken wings. If ya'll recall, I do love my chicken wings...

*I need a quick dinner because it takes me 3 hours to clean up and look presentable.

So that wraps up my short blog....till next time...and in the spirit of Mexico:

Adios Amigos!!!

Microwave Cantonese-Style Steamed Black Bean Baby Back Ribs -I call it SZPG for short, sounds like "shi zhi pai gu), or 豉汁排骨

 I love dim sum sooo much. I love the concept of little asian people running around with carts of food ready to be eaten. I've always wanted to learn how to cook my favorite dim sum dish: black bean pork ribs....and once again, kudos to my grandfather, 公公! Thanks to his keen intellect....and due to his travels, he also developed a recipe to create the best tasting pork ribs I've ever had in my short but oh-so-sweet 23 years of living. This is definitely my favorite dish since I was a toddler.

1)

Ingredients from left to right:
    rack of baby back ribs -- cut into cubes (ask your neighborhood supermarket butcher to do that for you)
    Chinese Hot Chili Sauce (any kind)
    Lee Kum Kee Black Bean Garlic Sauce
    Lee Kum Kee Minced Ginger
    Chinese Rice Wine (Shao Shing Wine)
2) Meanwhile, chop up some green onions as show in picture and set aside

 * i'm not trying to be obscene, but those chopped scallions look pretty sexy

3) Put the ribs in a casserole dish. Add
    2 heaping tbsps of black bean garlic sauce
    1 heaping teaspoon of hot chili sauce
    1 tbsp of minced ginger
    Just a big dash of sugar
    A cap-ful of Rice Wine....
    And some sesame oil (if you're a sesame oil lover like me)
 
TOSS everything evenly in the casserole dish, as you would a salad, i.e. use your well-developed dexterous wrist skills.

 *cap-ful of rice wine. WARNING: it takes a tremendous amount of skill and concentration to pour the wine into the cap without over spilling...

 * aftermath of tossing the ribs. looks gross, smells wonderful

4) LISTEN UP. This is important:  Cover the casserole dish and put it in the microwave.  Nuke it on high for 3 minutes!

5) Then, take it out, toss it around some more (like a merry-go-round), add a tbsp of H20, toss some more, and nuke in microwave again for 4 minutes.

6) When microwave beeps, take out, toss again, add another tbsp of H20, then put heaping handful of scallions on top of ribs.

7) Put the casserole dish in the microwave again and nuke it for 3 minutes on high...again
8) When the microwave beeps, remove the casserole dish, toss everything again, and let it sit for about 5 minutes.
9) Serve over steamed rice.

Ugh to die for.  My grandfather 公公is a genius.  He didn't tell me to use the microwave.  But I invented the microwave method for this dish -- too much trouble to steam things the traditional Chinese way.


  
 

Break Time

Hello there folks. I've had a very stressful day today...I woke up and had a haircut. Plus, it's 100+ degrees here in Texas...again. So, I've decided to pamper myself and take a break from all this cooking. Most people pamper themselves by going to a spa: receiving massages, manis/pedis, facial scrubs (or whatever they're called). Me...I buy wings for myself!!!!

* Wingstop....Soooo much better than Wings Over Ithaca. It's true. Troy Aikman endorses them.

Till tomorrow, adios amigos!

STEEEAAAAKKKK!!!! and shrimp.

Today, I decided to give a little history lesson to everybody. We're going back to our roots; our prehistoric, neanderthal days with the giant dinosaurs, where everybody ate meat. No veggies, just pure protein (and shrimp). Today, I'm cooking a bone-in ribeye with shrimp kebabs. MAX MEAT = protein

1) Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Put raw steaks in one of these heat resistant containers.

Lightly drizzle olive oil on the steaks, and rub in salt and pepper.  That's the food network recipe -- but I'm a maverick, so listen up! Use "Eddie Merlot" rub to attain a to-die-for taste.

2)Marinate shrimp skewers with olive oil and salt, pepper, whatever-you-like...Me, I like green onions = scallions.

3) Turn heat on stove to the very highest setting -- when max temperature reached, sear the steaks for 1 minute on each side

4)  Then transfer the steaks (in the heavy duty skillet) to oven when 325 degrees has been reached...bake for 15-25 minutes until desired state of steak has been reached (from rare to well-done)

5) Now in a separate skillet, heat shrimp up until they achieve those "grill marks" that we crave.

 6) OMG -- this is the final plate of goodness for me and myself!!!!!

Crispy Herb Crusted Chilean Sea Bass Goodness

1)

 Ingredients from left to right: Chilean Sea Bass (2 pieces, about 6 oz each -- all for me); 1/2 cup instant mashed potatoes flakes (secret ingredient!); instant dried thyme, chives, parsley, and one egg

PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 degrees, now

2)

 Beat the egg in a bowl - use your dexterous wrist skills to create a homogenous yellow color. In a shallow container, add the instant potato flakes, then add equal amounts of instant parsley , thyme and chives till it resembles  the picture-- a uniform blend of green (from herbs) and white (from potato flakes).

3)

Next, salt the fish, then dip each piece first in the egg mixture, then in the potato/herb mixture.  Make sure each side of the fish is evenly coated with a sexy blend of this elixir.

4)

* my blue shorts are sexy

Drizzle olive oil in a simple frying pan (don't need one of those heavy duty cast iron skillets I've used in previous recipes). Heat the oil, then turn it to a little below high.  Fry one side of the fish until it becomes "golden crusted".  Flip to the other side and fry like five seconds.

5)

 Put fish in my "jungle gym for fish" gadget (see sexy salmon recipe) with the more golden side up.  Put in oven and bake ONLY FIVE MINUTES.  Don't you love it? Quick and easy, sweet and sexy.

Yep, I have exceeded my own expectations again... the crispiness of the crust using the secret ingredient of instant mashed potato flakes is just to die for.  I was going to do the chilean sea bass in sake and mirin too, but you would find it too boring to read the same recipe over again.  So I opted for a new, easy recipe. This works great for halibuts too.  As well, the other "sexy salmon" recipe works well for sea bass and black cod also.  Wow! I am such a versatile Chef.  Until tomorrow, bon appetite!

Taking a break...

So, I've been cooking for 4 days straight this week, so I figured I need a break. I apologize to everybody who was hoping to see what magnificence I would have created today had I cooked...

But fear not! I went to a really really really FANCY UPSCALE....way out of my league restaurant for dinner tonight...I kinda felt outta place. I must say, however, I took advantage of the happy hour AND menu. To make matters even better, I took pictures of my dinner course!

1)

 

Delicious raspberry sitting on top of a frozen orange. This was our amuse bouche. For those who don't know what it is, it's basically a single-bite hors d'oeuvre. The purpose of it is to cleanse the palate before you main course arrives. I guess you could just cleanse your palate by just sipping water....but having an amuse bouche is just that much more high class. and fun...   

2) 

This was my friend's parent's dish. It was a seafood pasta on top of a saffron broth. It looked delicious, but apparently tasted like horse sh#(t. Poor choice in food, Mr. H. 

3) 

This was my dish: Rack of lamb with a pesto sauce, grilled asparagus, and rissoto cakes. Oh my god. I can die a happy man now. Why? Because besides the perfectly executed lamb, the dish was adorned with PESTO!!! Finally, somebody recognizes the sophistication of infusing pesto into everyday dishes. Plus, the rissoto cakes were delicious. Seriously, I was on cloud 9 after that meal.

4) I forgot to take a picture of my dessert...sorry. It was a trio of chocolate dishes: a chocolate cake, chocolate creme'brulee, and a chocolate mousse. SO DECADENT. SO DELICIOUS. Chocolate is such a sexy dessert...
My friend ordered a key lime tart. Also delicious. It was basically a key lime pie with homemade whipped cream. Yummm. Or as people like to say: "nom nom nom." Don't know why they use "nom," but whatever. Works for me

5) The views from the restaurant:

I wish we stayed longer till it was completely dark, so I could've taken a picture of the beautiful Dallas skyline. But this'll hafta suffice. Still, my ghetto Iphone camera can not do the view justice. It's sooo beautiful. Note to anybody trying to woo a girl: bring her to a restaurant with a sultry view. It'll charm the socks...and pants off of her ;).

So...I'm stuffed...bloated...and I need to relieve myself. I will catch ya'll later.

Pork Chops...Covered with Pesto

I woke up today realizing that there's one thing I haven't eaten in a while. I've had my fix of chicken and salmon...but there's one source of protein that's eluded me for quite some time. Yep...that's right. I'm talking to you, Mr. Pork Chop. Where have you been these past few weeks??? My stomach has missed you oh so much.

So I decided that I'm going to combine two of the finer things in life and create a heckuva delicious dish outta them. I'm talking about pork chops and pesto. Pesto is consists of garlic, basil, and nuts, blended with olive oil and cheese. Now, I'm not a big fan of cheese, so I don't add it to my pesto. As well, I think the taste of nuts clashes with everything else in the pesto, so I also don't use nuts in my pesto. Everything else is fair game....so without further ado, today's dish:

Pork Chops...Covered with Pesto 

Ingredients:

From left to right: Measuring Cup, Paul Newman's (yes, THE Paul Newman) Light Italian Dressing, and Pesto.

*you can either make your own pesto or use store bought pesto. In the spirit of efficiency, I usually use Whole Foods' pre-made pesto.

The Pork Chops need to be marinated for 3 hours in the Light Italian Dressing before it can be cooked. 

1) Defrost the Pork Chops

2) Grab a jumbo 2.5 gallon ziplock bag and place the pork chops in the bag.

3) Measure 1 cup of the Light Italian Dressing into the measuring cup. Then, pour this gooey, viscous, liquid into the bag. Make sure that the pork chops are lined up next to each other instead of stacked on top of each other.

       

 4) Place the pork chops in the fridge and let them sit for 3 hours. After 1.5 hours have passed, flip the pork chops over. 

5) Once the 3 hours have elapsed, remove the pork chops from the bag and place them in the heat resistant container they were resting in. Pat them down with a paper towel to wick away any excess dressing. 

6) Add about a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper to each side of the pork chops and vigorously massage them into the meat. Again, if you haven't taken some sort of massage class, this dish is too complicated for you to cook, and you should just quit right now. 

* this is how the porkchops should look after steps 5 and 6. So sexy... 

7) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

8) Grab an iron skillet (something that'll allow you to achieve the sexy grill mark effect), drizzle some olive oil into the skillet, and set the stove to its "high" setting. If you want to impress people, I also utilize an aluminum mini sun shade. It protects from splashing; if you're a lazy bum like me, it's another way of reducing the amount of things that need to be cleaned. 

* epic pork-chop grilling apparatus 

9) Once the stove is heated, lower the temperature until it reaches a medium setting. Then, place all the pork chops in the skillet and wait for one side to brown. When that has been achieved, quickly use your legendary pork-chop flipping maneuver to flip the pork chop over and brown the other side.

10) When both sides have been browned, remove the skillet (with the pork chops!) from the stove, turn off the stove, and place the skillet on a table. 

11) Using a handy dandy brush, coat only ONE SIDE of the pork chop with the pesto. Again, for all the careless readers out there...coat only ONE SIDE!!!! It should like like this sexiness: 

* the pesto glistens in the light! this is how you seduce me....with glisten-y meat...

12) The oven should be at 350 degrees F. Also, the oven rack should be place in the middle of the oven. 

13) Once 350 degrees F is reached, place the skillet (with the pork chops) into the oven for 15 minutes! 

* when I look at this...all I hear is "Sensual Seduction" playing in the background....

14) After 15 minutes, remove the pork chops from the oven. Guess what? YOU'RE DONE!!!!  

15) Crack open an ice cold beer and celebrate your victory!!! 

...So I know that was all you were expecting for today. But I just got my second wave of energy, so I'm going to attempt my second dish: 

Garlic....with broccolini (or is it Broccolini with garlic)

Ok, so it's just my method of cooking broccolini...except I use tons of garlic. 

Ingredients: 

From left to right: broccolini in colander, garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper. 

*the salt is located in one of those fancy schmancy brown containers, and the pepper is in the other one 

1) Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. The rack should be located at the center of the oven...again.

2) Wash the broccolini with vigorous authority. Do not gently massage them the way an old person would. You're young, so brutally scrape away all the dirt. 

3) Dump the broccolini into a colander. Again, I like to place the colander on top of a bowl to collect the excess water/waste. 

4) Place the broccolini on a baking sheet. Drizzle the broccolini with olive oil Then, add a FEW PINCHES of salt and pepper to the broccolini. Now, add a modest amount of garlic to the broccolini. For me, however, I'm not shy. I just scoop a heaping spoonful of garlic and thrust the garlic downwards onto the broccolini with authority. 

5) Now, toss the broccolini around like you would toss a salad. The idea here is to infuse the broccolini with all the yumminess that you just tossed onto it. And to bath it in garlic, of course. 

 * the broccolini should have this unkempt look to it...the same appearance one would have after some afternoon delight :) 

6) Now, deftly and delicately place the broccolini in a manner that allows them to face the same way. We don't want any overcrowding, and we want the broccolini to cook evenly. No broccolini left behind unevenly cooked! 

7) Place the baking sheet into the oven for 10 minutes. 

8) After 10 minutes, remove the baking sheet from the oven. Using some sort of flipping apparatus, like tongs, flip the broccolini over so its unexposed side will be exposed to the heat of the oven.

9) Place the baking sheet back into the oven for another 10 minutes. 

10) When those 10 precious minutes are up, remove the baking sheet from the oven! 

11) Wipe those sweat and tears away from your brow, because you've just finish cooking the broccolini.  

12) Do a little happy dance and post a new status on facebook: "I just cooked broccolini....and it felt soo good...." 

There you have it! My dinner for tonight: Pork chops, broccolini, AND yesterday's corn! Yummy. Excuse me while I get fat. Till the next time....I'm out!

Ev the Chef meets Grill

Today is the day you all have been waiting for!!!! Today is the day I cook and eat my Sexy Salmon Swimming in Sake dish. Aaaand, to add the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae, I decided to barbeque some corn on the cob....so without further delay, today's featured dishes are:

Tastier-Than-Bobby-Flay's-Corn-on-the-Cob 

Ingredients: From left to right: corn on the cob, olive oil, "Fischer & Wieser" Roasted Raspberry Chipotle Sauce, Tobasco Garlic Hot Sauce, and my favorite, Sesame Oil!!!

1) Gotta prep the corn. The corn comes with the husk, so you gotta unsheath the corn by pulling apart the husk from the corn. Unsheathing is key to making this dish tasty. You don't want to sink your teeth into the corn only to come up with strands of husk in your mouth...gross.

* the proper way to unsheath the corn

2) After the corns have been cleaned, place them in any heat proof container. I use an aluminum container because it's disposable. And you don't have to wash it. Bbbut I do, because I'm eco-friendly...and a certified badass.  Drizzle them with olive oil. Afterwards, take a pinch of pepper and a pinch of salt and coat the corn. Dont be afraid to get messy and really rub the spices into the corn!

* This is the end result. You can't really see the salt or pepper...or olive oil for that matter, but I assure you that all 3 are present in this picture

4) Time to make the sauce to coat the corn with!!! First, add about 3 heavy shakes of the raspberry chipotle sauce to a bowl...or how many number of shakes it takes to look like this:

5) Next, you put about a third the amount of chipotle sauce of tobasco garlic hot sauce into the bowl.

7) Generously drizzle olive oil into the mixture! Now the sauce is complete.

8) In a separate bowl, drizzle sesame oil until it mirrors the following:

9) Bring the prepped corn and sauces out to the grill. Now the fun begins.

10) First, heat the grill on high and close the lid to warm up to prepare the grill for cooking.

11) Once the grill is heated, place another heat resistant container filled with water at the center of the grill. This will help soften the corn during the grilling process. Now that's smaaart!

12) Coat one side of all the corns with the fusion sauce using this silly brush contraption.  Also, make sure to keep stirring the sauce, so all the contents are distributed evenly.

13) Turn the grill to a medium heat setting. It should be about 300 degress F.  Place all the corns on the grill and let it sit for 10 minutes.

14) After 10 minutes, turn the corn over, and coat the naked sides with both the sauce AND sesame oil. We don't want any part of our corn to be exposed...much like celebrities ensure all parts of their body are adequately clothed to prevent perverts from sneaking a peek at their goodies.

Also, at this point, turn off the heat to one side of the bbq and place all the corns on the unheated side. This process is called indirect heating. All the food network chefs utilize this anceint technique...but
I've perfected it.
It really doesn't matter what side you choose...so whether you swing left or right, it doesn't matter. Each side is equally endorsed. Coat each sides with both the sauce and sesame oil again.  

15) Again, after coating, let the corn grill for 10 minutes.

16) After 30 minutes, remove all the corn from the the grill. It is now ready to be eaten!

*Make sure when eating corn to efficiently and effectively chew all the corn kernels to ensure that they don't pop up in your other endeavors....

Now...for the main attraction: Sexy Salmon Swimmin in Sake 

*There are no lists of ingredients seeing as I listed them out on Monday's post.

1)  This is the most complicated step of the entire process. Remove the salmon from its ziplock bag and place it in the fancy dish that it was originally sitting in.

2) Grab a paper towel and pat it dry.

3) Grab a baking sheet, cover it with aluminum foil, and then place a grilling apparatus at the center of the sheet.

*doesn't this apparatus look legit? it kinda resembles a jungle gym for the salmon....

4) Lightly drizzle both sides of the salmon with olive oil. Then, add a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper to the salmon and massage it onto both sides of the salmon. The key to perfecting this technique is to have taken some sort of massage class. I've taken Introduction to Swedish Massage at Cornell University (GQ's #1 douchiest college in america), so it's easy for me to knead the salt and pepper into the right spots. If you haven't taken similar course, I highly encourage you to do so before attempting such an underrated maneuver.

5) Meanwhile, preheat the oven to its "high" broil setting. Conventionally, the oven rack should be 6 inches from the top of the oven when broiling...yep. An average 6 inches :)

6) Once the oven has been preheated, place the salmon on the apparatus (ideally horizontally to attain that "grillmark" effect), and put in the oven.

7) Broil it for 3 minutes on one side. Once those three minutes are up, remove the sheet from the oven. Flip the salmon so its opposite side will be broiled as well.

8) Place the sheet back in the oven for 3 minutes.

9) After those 3 minutes are done, remove the baking sheet from the oven and place the fish on a fancy plate.

* look at how legit those plates are.

10) You're done! It's now time to impress whomever you're cooking for. If the sight of these majestic salmons don't elicit a  "WHOOOOA" or a "NIIIIICE" or a  "DAAAAMN SON, YOU GOTS SKILLS," then there's no point in reading my blog anymore.

I must admit that I did indeed exceed my own very high expectations. The fish came out beautiful, and the harmonious union of the sake and mirin left a playful tingle on my tongue. Pat on the back to me!

Brown chicken

So, today I decided to try my hand at something a little more complicated than microwavable brown rice. I love chicken, (I was nicknamed "Chicken King" as a young lad) so I'm delving into my grandfather's playbook (or cookbook) for inspiration. On the menu tonight is brown chicken; brown because I'm not a racist, and chicken because I love chicken...and you can never have too much protein.

Brown Chicken 

Ingredients: 3.5 lbs chicken wing drummettes, 2 tbs. hot bean sauce, chinese hot sauce, 3 cloves of garlic (chopped) , big pot (for water), and most importantly: OYSTER SAUCE.

Left: Hot Bean Sauce 辣豆瓣酱
2nd from Left: Chinese Hot Sauce
2nd from Right: Garlic (already chopped garlic if you are lazy like me to chop your own)
Right: OYSTER SAUCE

*I use drummettes because there are no hormones added. The frozen wings that supermarkets carry are injected with hormones, concentrated at the wings, so as to increase the size of the chicken. Hormones are very very VERY bad for your health...and thus, this proves that size does not always matter.

1) Boil water in a huge pot

2) Dump the chicken wing drummetes into the huge pot of boiling water.

*This process is called parboiling: partial boiling of the food so as to remove poisonous or foul-tasting substances

3) Using a wooden spoon/spatula (or any stirring utensil), stir the contents inside the water. You'll notice that there's some funk that detaches itself from the chicken. The stirring action makes sure that all that gunk is separated from the chicken. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT IN YOUR DISH. It tastes disgusting, and you will throw up. 100% guaranteed.

4) Once you've stirred and the water has come to a boil, dump the gunk (not the chicken) into the sink. When the container becomes noticeably lighter, pour the chicken into a colander.

*mine is red because red is the color of spiciness and heat, which is how I like my chicken...and women. I also place a bowl underneath the colander to catch excess liquids.

5) Turn the stove to its "high" setting. Drizzle some olive oil and garlic into a wok while SIMULTANEOUSLY adding 2 tbs. of hot bean sauce and a heaping dollop of chinese spicy sauce onto the chicken.

6) Wait until the garlic begins to "dance" and smell oh so fragrant, then dump the chicken (gently) into the wok and stir the contents vigorously so as to evenly distribute the hot sauce throughout the chicken.

7) While stirring the chicken, add water into the wok until the water level almost covers the chicken.

*Hopefully, your dish looks similar to mine. Again, this is a complicated recipe and does require some complex maneuvers. If yours doesn't look like the picture above, that's ok. Not everybody has a college degree.


8) Cover the wok and allow your delicious drummettes to boil. Once it boils, turn down the heat (to a low-medium setting) and allow the contents to simmer. Now would be a good time to take a restroom break or text your girlfriend.

9) Afterwards, add oyster sauce and sugar to achieve desired taste. Now, everybody's taste buds are different. For me, I use at least 4 tablespoons of oyster sauce and at least 2 tablespoons of sugar. But remember, TASTE YOUR FOOD. If you don't learn anything else from my blogs, learn this!!!

10) Allow the contents to simmer at the low-medium heat for about 15-20 minutes.

11) Voila! It's done! All your hard work for the past hour have gone to producing this delicious feast of the gods.

I love my grandfather, 公公, for teaching this dish to me.

Remember, always stir the contents. That's the key to allowing the drummettes to soak up the delicate flavors of the hot sauce, oyster sauce, and sugar. It's what allows the dish to develop a flavor profile! (Thank you Top Chef for that doozy of a word)

Lastly, I will finish off my sexy salmon recipe tomorrow. In addition, flip the salmon in its bag today, so both sides will soak in the succulent marinade and will create an even taste when we cook the salmon.

Till tomorrow....au revoir!